Grief – a period of sorrow and sadness which befalls on everyone, humans; as they juggle with life and its losses – the loss of a loved one, a friendship, a relationship, or as a matter of fact – a dream, humans experience grief in one way or the other at least once in their lifetime.
However, the emotion may be the same, everyone has their own way to deal with it; as they say- to each his own. Grief is personal – while some allow you to be a part of their loss, some suffer in silence – holding on to life with withering hope.
As I sit here, writing about grief and loss, my mind itself is still grieving with the loss of a loved one – my grandmother, my daado. Before this experience I was an alien to the valley of grief, although there had been numerous deaths in my family, I had never lost someone so close – so dear. When I used to visit people who had lost a loved one, I never understood what they must think but now when I have experienced it myself, I understand their loss but I still can’t put myself in their shoes because grief is personal – you cannot weigh somebody else’s pain with your scale.
Although this emotion is so common, we are still so reckless about it – as a society. Often, when someone in our proximity goes through a loss, our responses are tone-deaf, which is not the solace people seek when they are suffering. While the religious aspects are there – every soul shall taste death, it does not take away from the fact that this loss, hurts.
Grief is reduced by sharing.
However, the most heartbreaking thought that strikes everyone when they lose someone is that – the world goes on. No matter how broken you are, your life goes on. There is a brief moment when everything stops, everything slows down as you grapple with the loss, your mind numbs, unable to process what just happened but that is all you get – a moment. After that there are hospital bills, people flocking to your house, the funeral and after all that – you and your life.
While there is still a void inside you, which may never get filled, you need to get back to life, school, office, people. When people stop their condolences and move on with their life and you are there still holding on to that loss, that is when you feel the peak of your grief, when there is no one to hold you anymore. So you open your heart to the grief, quietly. When no one is looking because you don’t want to bother anyone with it.
Therefore, we need to look around, help people and give them time to heal because healing is not linear, some may recover quickly while some may hold on to it throughout their life. Regardless of the circumstances, it’s about time we have this conversation with people on the topic of grief which has and will disrupt people and their existence.